From basketball camp to cop From mom to pastor’s wife

Growing up, my family did not attend church or have a faith to speak of. My dad would identify as an atheist, and I would describe my mom as "currently open to God, but not sure if she should join the club yet."

When I was 13, I attended "NBC Camps" which was a weeklong basketball camp in Olds, Alberta. NBC camps is a Christian sports outreach organization that happens to coach excellent basketball. And at the time for me--basketball was life! I remember my coach giving me the pamphlet for the camps saying, "it's good basketball. They talk about God and religion and stuff, but you can just ignore that part."

I smile now and think--God can use anyone for his kingdom purposes! That coach had no idea he was being used by God to change the course of my life!

I remember absolutely loving the camp. The basketball was good, yes, but they actually proclaimed the Gospel as part of their program! I was so open to it. My parents had recently gone through a divorce that had rocked my world and I was hurting. I was desperate for love, guidance, and, well, good news!

I decided to try out for the NBC camps tour team, which was planning a trip to the United Kingdom over the summer of 2000. During that trip I received my first bible, sang worship songs with the team, and spent a lot of time with Christian coaches and teammates. It was the most magical trip. I was 14 and in a foreign country with my friends playing basketball--how fun is that!?

When the 14 day trip was almost over, I sat with a teammate on the bus and she asked me--have you accepted Jesus into your heart? And I said no, how do you do that? She explained, and that night in a dorm room in Wales, I invited Jesus into my heart. Although it was a long time ago, I remember a sensation that felt like the walls were coming down between me and God, and I could finally be close to him. I felt overwhelming peace in my heart, and knew that this was true, and it was right.

God fostered this faith when I came home. My best friend at the time had re-committed her life to God that same summer at Camp Chamisall, a Christian camp in Waiparous, Alberta. Her family took me to church on Sundays, bible study on Tuesdays, and youth group on Wednesdays. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I owe them a lot of gas money. But I know God has a huge reward (better than Gas money!) for them in heaven!

At the end of highschool, I had NO idea where I was going to College. Even though I was good at basketball and had been recruited by a few colleges to play, I didn't feel any peace about attending those places. I remember being stressed about it but, through a dream and a bible verse (which is another amazing God story) I applied for Canadian Bible College in Regina. There I met my wonderful husband who became a Youth Pastor upon graduation.

I was now a Pastor's wife! What does that look like? Well--it looks like being the unique and wonderful individual God made you to be! Since my mom was a career woman, I knew I wanted a career. I just didn't know what! Through  God's guiding hand, I decided to apply to become a police officer. I've been doing that career now for 15 years! It's been so solid for our family, and I have been able to bring my values to the workplace in so many ways.

When I was  around 27 we started trying for children. After a long time, we went to the doctor. Then we went to the specialist and learned we had "unexplained infertility."  It was devastating to me. I hadn't realized I deeply wanted children until I learned that we couldn't! I was really mad at God. After all, he'd answered prayers for babies in so many stories throughout the bible--why couldn't he do that with me? So many people were praying for us, and I was praying too--he just wasn't answering. We spent 3 years at the fertility clinic, taking tests, taking fertility drugs, trying IUI (intrauterine insemination) which did not work, and finally, trying In Vitro Fertilization.  By now we were close to 4 years into this infertility journey and it was so painful. The grief and loss that hovers over you every month when you realize--yet again--the treatments did not work, led to unexplainable heartache. I was a mess. My mental health and my faith were imploding.

I remember jogging with a friend and telling her, "I can't even pray right now." and she said, "you don't have to. I will pray for you." I know I was carried by the prayers of many during that time.

Our first IVF treatment was a rollercoaster, but looking back, I can see God's intervention even then. It was successful and my son was born in 2016! I was 31. We did an embryo transfer from the first IVF cycle and my daughter was born in 2018. Although I was so full of joy, I remember still being angry with God, asking, "Why couldn't you have made that easier on us? Why couldn't it have just happened naturally like those bible stories?" It took time for healing to happen in my heart, and to be able to forgive God and love him again.

I look at the timing now and realize-if I had kids when I wanted to-they wouldn't have been the kids I know and love today! God was saving those two exact children for us, at the perfect time. My kids are the same age as their cousins, and they do everything together. If I'd had kids at 27, they would have been years older than their cousins and it wouldn't have been remotely the same! They go to the same school, are in the same activities, and we have the best built-in childcare system with my brother and sister-in-law.

God knew what he was doing. I also know his heart broke for me during those dark days on the road of infertility.

Our life now feels jam packed, as many families do who have school aged children and full time jobs.  My husband and I started a missional community church that meets in our home every Sunday. We've seen God move in so many ways--but we've also felt the challenge and weight of carrying that ministry while juggling our busy schedules. Recently I feel that God is saying to me, "you serve me, but I want you to love me." I realize I am like Martha in the bible--I stay busy for God. But Jesus praised Mary, who took time to sit at his feet and worship him. That is what he is asking me to do, and in his kind conviction, he is letting me know that I don't have to build his kingdom all by myself! 

I say to him: "Oh right, you are God after all!" I am just along for the ride. I am reminded that His burden is light.

As I look back on my life, I realize there are countless times that God has met me and directed my path. Often I feel confused, scared, and directionless. I feel like the lost sheep that the bible so often talks about. Reflecting on my story, my Shepherd has always been there. Gently guiding, intervening, and building a beautiful story out of my life, for my good and for his Glory.