Brigitte’s story: A Journey of Faith, Resilience, and New Beginnings

My name is Brigitte, and for over 15 years, I was a pastor’s wife. Because the “D-word” is worse than a swear word in ministry, it’s when I became the “EX” that I thought I was unusable by God. The sheer thought of divorce haunted me for over a decade as I saw my nonexistent marriage go from bad to worse. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

I grew up in a Christian family in Quebec. I was raised to “shake it off,” get back up, and try again. I was always bold, and I even talked myself into getting baptized at a very young age. Our local church started in our living room in my hometown of Granby. Though my parents were Christians for as long as I can remember, I truly started to see God move in my life just before I relocated to Toronto a little over 28 years ago.

I came to Ontario to escape a 10-year relationship with a young man who had cheated on me. I found out while he was in the ER following a motorcycle accident. After days of sleeping on the plastic benches in

the hallway, he finally regained consciousness and served me the news. My world crumbled.

My friends encouraged me to take a job offer at a PR firm in Toronto, and I reluctantly accepted. Looking back, I cannot deny God’s hand on every step in that chapter, from the hospital he was taken to after the accident to where I stayed in Toronto. Clearly, God had plans! He blew off all my conditions one after the other in a series of miracles, from people knocking on my door out of the blue to rent my apartment to banks offering me loans where I had never had an account; everything fell into place for me to move.

Toronto is also where I met the man who would become my husband of 15 years. He pursued me relentlessly even though I wasn’t interested at first – I mean ME, a pastor’s wife?

Long story short, we were married within a year of meeting each other and I saw myself as Whitney Houston in "The Preacher’s Wife". It was comical – me, a career woman who lived her life out loud, unapologetically… It just goes to show you God’s humor, I think. As soon as we came back from our honeymoon, I was kicked off my podium. It was “you do you, and I do me, and I’ll let you know when I need you”… I was bewildered and alone. I pretended – I was good at that. In church, I led the choir, did Sunday school, sang in the worship team… It was picture-perfect from the outside.

While I played the part in silence, I truly felt I was used by God, so my non-marriage was tolerable. At home, I cried myself to sleep pretty much every night. I felt that if I could just be better, do more, perhaps he would love me. But I was never enough. Not pretty enough, not thin or sexy enough, not spiritual enough, not smart enough. Just never ENOUGH. I don’t know if I was made to feel that way, to be honest, or if it was me trying to rationalize my situation. I called it my golden jail. I threw myself into work and did long hours, volunteered… did ALL the things. If you’re busy, you’re tired. And if you’re tired, you can’t focus on the bad.

We were rarely intimate, so it was a surprise to become pregnant. I thought things would change. After all, I was giving him the perfect portrait he so desperately wanted. But I was still alone and ignored. We didn’t fight; I was just nonexistent. I gave birth following one of those rare arguments where I complained about his absence. Our son Chris was a preemie, born three months early at 2.5 lbs. It didn’t bring us together as I hoped.

Chris was my miracle baby in more ways than one. I think he helped me tolerate that life. I poured all the love I had to give into that child, and he loved me back. Chris became my EVERYTHING, glued to my hip and to my heart. We were inseparable. Everything else was endurable because he was there.

One day, when Chris was still a baby, my husband told me I disgusted him, and that’s when things really started to break down. I took my pillow and slept on the couch from then on. It’s funny how I always dreamed of someone to love me; that all I wanted in life was a loving marriage, but that was the only thing I didn’t have! I remember one day as he was going up the stairs to bed, I looked up to him, begging for us to go see a counselor to fix our marriage. We needed help! He didn’t even look at me before asking me if I was “done”. You see, clergy didn’t need help. We’re supposed to counsel others. So life went on…

My business grew and blossomed, and I continued to pour myself into work. In fact, my office alarm code was Heaven, and home was Hell. I was broken and angry. It started to affect my character and my attitude with others because when you live like that, everything becomes about survival, self-protection, and defending yourself.

And yet, I was afraid to leave. I will admit that there was financial fear but worse, fear of “break the church”. What would people say? Where would I go? What would God do to me? Weren’t Christians called to suffer and endure? Happiness is not given to everyone, I thought. So, I stayed even though I felt my prayers were hitting the ceiling. 

I was just empty. There was nobody to turn to… not even my family. One day, I told my ex that he needed to move downstairs. I thought he would have taken it as a threat, but he didn’t even flinch. We continued to live like that for a few years, keeping up appearances. Everything was fine for people looking in, so I didn’t matter. I knew nothing would ever change. What you allow will continue.

Even if I thought that God would zap me on the spot, I mustered the courage to go see a lawyer to talk about separation. I had papers drafted and asked my business partner to come with me and wait in front of my husband’s office window so I would go through with it. When I gave him the papers, his response was that he would lose his job. His words were almost reassuring – like I was doing the right thing. What hurt the most was that Chris and I weren’t worth the fight. If he had pleaded, said he didn’t want to lose his wife or his son, promised things would change, I would have reconsidered. But he didn’t.

That first Sunday after the official separation, I remember sitting in my car crying. It was the first time I didn’t go to church. I started driving, and I still don’t know how I ended up at another church. Every sermon for months touched me… it was like they were meant just for me. I got spiritually fed for the first time in a long while, and it helped to rebuild my faith and stop the lies in my head.

Soon after I started attending there, I saw people from “his church,” so I assumed they had shared our separation with the congregation. To this day, I don’t know what they said because he’s still a pastor and I was the one people didn’t talk to anymore. I got scared – don’t know why - but felt compelled to go see Karen Miley, the women’s pastor. I was determined to tell her I was hiding there and that I had no intention of getting involved. I had a little speech all prepared, and she listened. Aside from my business partner, she was the first person I told my story to. She asked me how Chris was and then how I was… As the strong woman I always pretended to be, I answered I was FINE! I repeated that three times before breaking down in tears. She calmly handed me a form and told me that the church had a therapist and that I could see her for free for as long as I needed it. Karen was sent by God to start my healing and saved me from sure insanity.

My self-esteem was pretty much destroyed at that point. I was hanging on for dear life and again, putting up a show of the strong, bold Brigitte that everybody thought or expected me to be. I went to therapy for a long time. I also went to the pastor and another Christian counselor, and all three back-to-back told me I should get out of this marriage. I was stunned! That’s not what Christians do? My desire to be the mom Chris needed me to be won over my fear of breaking the church and of not being financially able to provide for my son. I realized I couldn’t fulfill my calling and my purpose in that state of mind. I just didn’t like that angry, bitter person I saw in the mirror, so I finally did go through with the divorce. 

That’s when every Christian I knew stopped talking to me – they even changed sidewalks when they saw me on the street. I lost all of my friends, and the organizations and groups I volunteered with stopped including me. I was now more than just alone; I was rejected. All I had was work.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not pro-divorce. I think too many people give up on each other without a fight. I think too often people leave relationships that are 80% right for a 20% that’s missing, only to find out that the 20% just isn’t enough. I can look you in the eye and say that I’ve done all I could. In fact, I feel I didn’t have a marriage at all. Ever.

Slowly, surely, I learned to embrace me again with God’s grace. I even forgave my ex and the people at his church. I strongly believe that God hid my value from him because he wasn’t assigned to my destiny. I forgave him because I realize that every stage in our life has a purpose, and that phase gave me Chris, so it was all worth it. In fact, I’d gladly relive it again.

I was recently asked to share what I’ve learned through these difficult chapters. I find it funny that we’re able to sing about having faith, about trusting God, that He’s the way-maker. We claim that we know that His plans for us are good, but as soon as challenges arise, we let our emotions lead us to fear and dark places. I strongly believe that it is in bad times that we grow, so if you’re going through something hard, God is bringing you to the next level in the game of life. He is positioning you for your next purpose. Just trust the process.

Aside from God’s multiple big miracles that show without a shadow of a doubt that He is alive and that He cares about me and all of the silly little details of my wants and needs, I have three other things I feel I’ve mastered since then:

1. God wants you and me to live a full and joyful life: Proverbs 17:22 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” God wants us to live life to the fullest (John 10:10). I think Satan tempts us to live a low life. One of the worst mistakes we can make is to get complacent, thinking that what we have right now is okay. Don’t get me wrong, we need to appreciate what we have and have a spirit of gratitude, but a mindset of low expectations holds us back because God can only do through us what we believe for. I don’t want OKAY. I don’t want average because I don’t serve an average God. God is a God of excellence. Plus, He thinks you’re worthy. His son died for you. You were chosen. He paid a high price to love you.

2. Have God-sized dreams: We serve a God of miracles who can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). It’s when we’re spent and at the end of our ropes that God paints His best stories! Solomon asked for wisdom, and God added wealth. Abraham asked for a son, and God gave him generations. May God give you more than you ask for in Jesus' name. For your story to be one that points to Him, there need to be big dreams, big steps of faith. If Moses had stayed on the shore of the Red Sea, the waters would have never parted. He had to take that first step in faith for God to move. What is the first step of your next chapter? My favorite verse of the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a FUTURE.” Dream that future, sisters! Live it and talk about it like it is already here because it’s a promise that you can claim today!

3. God has built us for community: We are called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and not to isolate ourselves, but to come together as one because we’re stronger together (Romans 12:5). Sharing our stories and asking for help are vital for our well-being. It really doesn’t matter how ugly our situation is, I promise there is someone that can relate! Plus, our God is the God of the EVEN NOW: When Martha was hurting, she said to Jesus: “I know that EVEN NOW God will give you whatever you ask.” EVEN NOW God can work in your situation. EVEN NOW He can do the impossible. EVEN NOW He can turn it for good. Trust Him to open an unexpected door for you and walk through it.

My story isn’t over. All in all, I’m still under construction. I am on a quest to become the best version of myself. I was offered a new beginning. In this next chapter of my life, I’m discovering that I am enough and worthy of love. God graciously took me out of the spin cycle and restored me. He gave me joy that I don’t even remember having before all this mess. He even gave me my dream house – something I had given up on being a single mom and entrepreneur. God also recently gave me the love of my life, a caring Christian man who loves me – the real me - and challenges me to be what God wants me to be. Meeting him was also a miracle for another day… We weren’t even on the same dating app! How’s that for a miracle! What I love most about that relationship is that we can chase our dreams but also God together.

Since my divorce, I’ve been waiting on the sidelines for God to use me. It is only recently that I realized that I don’t need a ministry at a church to give my life purpose. God placed me where I am – in the business world - because He needed a stubborn, fiery, bold, resilient woman there to be a testimony for Him. So, my business partner and I are making our businesses our ministry grounds. This is where we strive to honor God every day. How we treat clients, how we price our services, how we treat our employees, what we do with our money, how we go the extra mile. That was the inspiration behind BE Magazine. My wish is that it becomes a beacon of hope, a platform where we can help each other while exploring any subject without fear of judgment. 

My motto in life is “you stall, you rust.” So I keep moving! Not unstoppable but hopefully stronger than before.