Love is an Action
February is a marketer’s dream for all things “lovey-dovey” and favoured month for colours red and pink 💕 ♥️
Let’s put St. Valentine “he loves me; he loves me not” aside for a moment and chat about how to really express and receive love in a godly way. And how to BE love according to 1 Corinthians 13 [that famous passage shared at pretty much every wedding]. Through the lens of how Jesus loved, try this exercise and be really honest with yourself, how well do you embody the truth of love? By the way, it is not that “butterfly” tingle pulsing through your veins even if your heart is racing! This feeling is infatuation or romantic chemistry.
Real LOVE DOES! It’s an action, more than it’s a feeling.
Now for the exercise… [this is helpful to journal with quiet reflection] everywhere you see the word love or a reference to it, replace it with your own name. I’ll use myself as an example:
Stephanie is patient, Stephanie is kind. She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. Stephanie does not dishonor others, nor is she self-seeking, Stephanie does not get easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Stephanie does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. She always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Stephanie never fails.
Excuse me while I literally laugh out loud 😂 simultaneously feeling the weight of my brokenness. I can assure you that there have been more times than I’m even willing to admit where I have not shown up as love, not even close! Yet, we are created in Christ Jesus as image bearers of his light and love. He set the example as a human at the same time, being perfect. We are not expected to ever live perfectly, but we can look at his example as a guide and intentionally strive to love others with more care, mercy, compassion, and kindness. Even the “creepy ones” as Bob Goff says in his book, Love Does. Depending on the version of the Bible you prefer to read, the word LOVE or reference to it is recorded 442 times in KJV to 759 times in NLT. It’s a way of life for God and it’s literally a command for us. Jesus implores us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER! John 13:34-35 NIV “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”. Refer to 1 Corinthians 13 if you want to know how to do this.
My husband and I have celebrated 42 Valentines Days together! Sure we’ve done the mushy stuff with boxes of chocolates, overpriced red roses, sparkly cards with heartfelt words, dinners at fancy restaurants with huge waitlists, and shiny jewelry in baby blue boxes tied with a satin white bow. Don’t get me wrong, these are all lovely ways to celebrate the marketed day of “love”, but our relationship has grown stronger and healthier by celebrating each other with honour, respect, commitment, kind words, encouragement, acts of service, quality time, and plenty of hugs anytime every day of the year! In fact, psychologist Virginia Satir, a world-renowned family therapist, is famous for saying “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Stated in Forbes Magazine, August 2020. Let those feel good, connecting chemicals of oxytocin and serotonin flow!
Since there are 28 days in February, here are 28 ways you can enhance your relationship and love with more intention and truth:
1. Tuck a post-it note with something you appreciate about your spouse (or child, friend, etc) into their jacket pocket, on the mirror in the bathroom, or laptop
2. Organize and schedule a date to their favourite spot as a surprise (doesn’t have to be a restaurant, maybe it’s mini golf, or the theater)
3. Intentionally say something complimentary/edifying about your spouse to someone else in front of your spouse
4. Spend 20 uninterrupted minutes, face to face, eyeball to eyeball, no distractions, no devices, and ask about each other’s day, use questions like: what excited you, what frustrated you, when did you feel angry or overwhelmed, what are you working on that challenged you, who did you interact with today?
5. Hold hands, go for a walk
6. Make your spouse their favourite meal, even if it’s Kaft Dinner mac n cheese!
7. Do a puzzle together
8. Play cards or a board game (no devices)
9. Spend 30 minutes in the same room reading your own book or the same book, then spend the next 15-30 minutes sharing what you learned, liked or didn’t like about that section
10. Do a staycation in your own city at a hotel or Airbnb
11. Clean out or organize a room together
12. Watch old home movies or look through photo albums and reminisce about good memories
13. Put on your wedding song or meaningful song you listened to when you first got together, if you don’t have one, find one, then dance to it
14. Ask your spouse, during a calm and unemotional time, what you can do to make their world a little better, also ask, if there is anything you do that bothers them (this is not to start any kind of heated discussion, only to help you understand each other better and make changes) important to remember truth in love when you do this one…p.s. if this question makes you nervous, all the more reason to ask this question and encourage kindness when answering but still be honest in service of growth and connection
15. Play hooky, take a day off together during the week
16. Go to therapy together
17. Text something sexy or use sexy emojis
18. Know each other’s Love Language and do something that shows each other you know what lights them up (if you don’t know what this is, take the 10-minute quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes
19. Have a Spotify date, take turns playing your favourite songs for each other
20. Organize and go on a marriage retreat, Family Life Canada has a really good one
21. Listen to the same podcast then discuss it
22. Make a meal together: research it, shop for the ingredients, make it, and eat it together
23. Go to the beach or hillside and watch the sunrise or set
24. Do a cold plunge together, or have a spa date
25. Join a coed community sports team (pickle ball, hockey, running group, etc)
26. Roller or ice skate
27. Schedule a daily HEART check, with no need to fix each other, just hear how your spouse is feeling, and be there for them (practicing empathy)
28. Randomly high five your spouse and tell them they’re doing a great job, and that you LOVE THEM!
I hope you have the most rememberable month DOING love together 💕 ♥️
