Good Grief: Healing Well After Loss
Grief is a winding, difficult journey—one that reshapes us in ways we never anticipated. This April 24th will mark one year since my beautiful, vivacious mom passed away from severe respiratory health issues. She had been struggling for years, needing oxygen 24/7 because, as she put it, she was constantly "hungry for breath." Watching her lose her vibrancy and zest for life was heartbreaking. And yet, her struggle was not just physical—it was emotional, too. The past five years have been especially hard for my sisters and me, as we also lost our younger brother to stomach cancer in February 2020 and our father in October of the same year. Our mother, though strong in faith, carried a silently breaking heart as she mourned both her son and her husband of 61 years.
Healing Is Hard Business
Healing is not just an emotional process; it is a full-body experience. It affects us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Grief can feel like waves crashing over us—some days we think we’re standing on solid ground, only to be knocked down again. It can drain our energy, disrupt our sleep, affect our appetite, and even cloud our faith.
Even the Bible acknowledges the depth of our sorrow:
• "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
• "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
But how do we truly heal well? How do we grieve in a way that honors our love, our loss, and our faith? Healing is not about "getting over it"—it’s about learning to carry our grief in a way that allows us to move forward while still holding on to love.
Walking Through the Five Stages of Grief to Acceptance
The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are not a checklist to complete but rather a cycle we navigate, sometimes revisiting certain stages multiple times. Acceptance does not mean we no longer feel pain; it means we have found a way to live with our grief.
Here are some compassionate ways to reach that place of acceptance:
Allow yourself to feel. Suppressing grief only prolongs it. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, and to question.
Lean into faith, even when it’s hard. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5) Even when we don’t understand our loss, we can trust in God’s presence.
Find meaning in your grief. This doesn’t mean explaining away the pain but rather seeking purpose in the love that remains. Maybe it’s through honoring a loved one’s legacy, helping others, or growing in faith.
Practice self-compassion. Healing takes time. Don’t rush yourself or expect to be “over it” by a certain point.
Seek support. Talk to trusted friends, a pastor, a grief support group, or a counselor who can walk alongside you.
How to Comfort Those Who Grieve
If you have a friend or loved one who is grieving, here are some ways to support them well:
Be present: Sometimes the best comfort is simply sitting with someone in their pain.
Avoid clichés: Phrases like "They’re in a better place" or "Everything happens for a reason" can feel dismissive.
Validate their emotions: Let them know it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling—sadness, anger, confusion.
Offer practical help: Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," offer specific help: "I’d love to bring you dinner this week. What night works best?"
Remember their loved one: Share stories and memories. Say their name. Remind them that their loss is not forgotten.
Finding Joy Again Without Guilt
In the midst of grief, joy can feel like a betrayal. But embracing life again does not mean we love or miss our lost ones any less. Rather, it means we are carrying them with us in a new way.
Inspirational words from Christian authors and psychologists remind us that joy and sorrow can coexist:
"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it." – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
"We are not meant to be islands of grief; we are called to walk this journey together, lifting one another up in faith and love." – Lysa TerKeurst
"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." – Washington Irving
Grief is love with nowhere to go ( I first heard this on WandaVision). But when we allow healing to take place, we find that love transforms. It moves from pain to remembrance, from longing to gratitude, from loss to a deep assurance that our loved ones are never truly gone.
As we carry their memory, we also carry their love. And with that love, we move forward—not away from them, but with them, in faith and in hope.
