I Need To Change

We are well into the audit process, entering a new year with new behaviors to test as we align more with what we want to invest in.

As we reflect on the process of evaluating your investments, I want to leave you with strategies for behavior modification that can make or break your financial decisions.

One key area I want to address is the personal agency and ownership required in this process. When it comes to your finances, you are the one signing the check or entering the PIN on your credit card purchases. No one else is responsible for your decisions. And if you’ve granted financial access to anyone (excluding a spouse), I strongly suggest you change your PIN immediately—no one should have access to your personal finances except you. This is a vital part of being responsible for your own decisions. How can you truly take responsibility for an investment plan when there’s potential “leakage” from an adult child or boyfriend who has access to your PIN?

Below, I’ve outlined the questions we ask when evaluating our investments and a few additional details that may be hard to hear, but are important. The more anger you feel reading this, the more you may need to work on this area.

Question 1: Who were you with? Who was this for?

As you audit your finances, take note of any person you frequently consider when it comes to money—someone you feel responsible for or are often generous with. Exclude spouses and children under 18 from this consideration. When we include people in our financial audits, it’s easy to justify over-giving or over-investing based on familial ties. I hope you can release this mindset today, as it may be clouding your judgment. Just because someone is your 18+ adult child or your mom doesn’t mean you need to give them everything they ask for or help them in every situation.

Bailouts and Self-Esteem

If you gave your daughter a financial gift this year because she hadn’t paid her credit card for six months, it likely set you back financially. You can reconsider whether it was truly helpful to bail her out. Many 18+ adults benefit from having to work through their own financial issues and often repeat bad behavior as long as someone is willing to rescue them. I’ve been there myself.

The reality is that self-esteem—the confidence in one’s own abilities—is built by the person exercising those abilities. When it comes to money, self-esteem is gained from “doing it ourselves,” not from being bailed out or having debts paid by a parent. If you want your kids to live with confidence in managing their finances, they need to do the hard work themselves. No more bailouts.

Taking Responsibility

After years of working with people on their finances, I often hear women blame others and adopt a victim mentality about their financial decisions.

Them: “They made me do it.”

Me: “Did they make you? So you’re saying they took your checkbook out of your purse, restrained you, forced you to write them a check, signed it, walked to the bank, and cashed it? Because that’s one of the only ways I can understand someone making you give them money.”

No one agrees with that portrayal afterward.

The more responsibility you take for your own choices, the better. We can’t modify behavior that we’re avoiding responsibility for.

Question 2: Was this purchase in-store or online?

Whether you’re shopping in-store or online, both scenarios provide an opportunity for behavioral modification. If you find yourself overspending in a store, start by assessing the effort it took to get there. Is the store close by, or did you have to make a special trip? If it’s somewhere you can avoid, consider making a commitment not to go there for the next year. For instance, when you pass Aritzia, turn back onto your path and keep walking. You can save your money by avoiding that store altogether.

For online purchases, I’ve noticed that mine often begin with a banner ad, a social media scroll, or an email newsletter. Before I know it, I’ve clicked through, filled my cart, and entered my credit card details—only to realize I’ve spent $600 on a chair. To avoid this, I decided not to buy any clothing online for the year and stuck to it. I’ve also directed all solicitation emails from websites I’ve shopped at into a specific folder so I never see them hit my inbox and get triggered to shop.

Question 3: Was this a “must-have” at the time?

“Must-haves” can be a trap, especially when they’re driven by disorganization—like when we’re on vacation and realize we forgot to pack our hairbrush, bathing suit, or sandals. If you often find yourself spending on “must-haves,” take a step back and assess your motivation and lifestyle requirements. Be honest with yourself about wants versus needs.

It might involve taking extra time to prepare a packing list for trips or planning your packing days in advance. For example, ask yourself: Is a sixth bathing suit really a must-have, or did you just forget yours for a weekend trip to Niagara? Is a $3,000 laptop a must-have because yours broke, or do you simply prefer high-end electronics that may not be necessary for your work? Is an extra pair of Lululemon pants a must-have, or did you just find them on sale and love the new color?

If “YES” comes to mind for any of these questions, your work may be cut out for you. Next time you’re reaching for that pair of Lululemons or adding a new lounge set to your cart, assess your motivation in the moment: Is this truly a must-have, or is it just a desire?

The goal of incorporating the findings from your audit and the new behaviors of the year is to dive deep into your motivation and identify ways to modify your actions.

We’d love to hear your feedback and behavior modification stories. You can find me and BEMag on Instagram and send us a message with your plans for this year. We can’t wait to hear from you.

P.S. The next Money article will be about taxes and how you can use common tax deductions to benefit your net worth—without working extra hours or taking on another job. Be sure to join us for this one!